Kenyan Torture..

We were on a roll..!! Kenya Duty Free Ltd was finally free of our Dubai Masters...Nasir Ibrahim.. our dynamic CEO had got around a few wealthy Afro Asian Honchos and negotiated the take over..He smartly franchised out each division...Wines,Spirits & Tobacco, Electronics, Jewelry and Watches depts now had new owners.. and we 10 Managers were part of the package.. complete with revised fat salaries and perks.. as it is we were the glamorous lot among the kenyans..and now envied by the asian staff of our Gujju Bosses...

We should have sensed it then...

Next day promptly, we were introduced to a few Kenyan Gujju Men and women hired by the franchisees to assist us... Rupesh Vora and Farzana Mughal were assigned to me in the Electronics & Home appliances division... immediately one could sense the animosity among the local african staff... Kenyan Gujjus were known slave drivers and Kenyans hated them. Everyday one would get to hear about a gujju being assaulted, or shot dead.. or his house burgled..

Rupesh Vora was an obnoxious weed of a man..abusive and arrogant the sales staff feared him.. his father was an ex corporator..once very close to the Kenyan President.. An active member of the ruling party..though only 5'4" he walked around as if he owned the airport apron..and took sadistic pleasure in catching sales staff stealing at work and mercilessly putting them through the cleaners..

Pilferage has always been our main concerns on the shop floor... Kenyans were habitual thieves.. and would find ways to con us..most of our energies were spent on either catching them or hiring new staff..it was tiresome and dangerous to deal with them as we feared being mugged in retaliation..Our CEO hence though it prudent to get in the gujjus to handle them..

Two weeks into the new set up I realised changes on the shop floor... My assistants had created a comfort corner behind one of the large display units.... Stock checking system was abruptly changed into the baniya mode..which we later realised was meant to confuse us... and a few goods started disappearing.. A TV here a VCR there..video cameras..few times I would notice Rupesh walk in with an airport official, whisper and walk out with him..

Few days later I knew there was trouble..Rupesh himself was pilfering big time..I spoke to my CEO who put me through to the airport Security chief a no nonsense burly jovial bloke.. who got Rupesh into his office to talk... I was made to sit in an adjacent office watching quitely..

Our man was a hard nut to crack..he threatened the security chief with his political connections.. and walked out mocking him..

"Bwana.. dont worry..I will get this muindi..he is a no good thief..!!"the chief muttered.. he called out to his assitants..and told them to fetch Rupesh back and take him to their HQ in town..and I drove down to the place with the chief following them..

The HQ was an imposing building near the state House..and between its granite floored stairs was a large deceptive enclosure... a poorly lit..scary area..we reached a steel paneled door..inside, Rupesh was already seated across a Table..being questioned by two burly kenyans..light falling over his face..defiant as usual..not admitting to anything..abusive and screaming..one of the guys came out to talk to the chief in swahili..and both of them nodded their heads and laughed.. "Come bwana !! now you will witness kenyan Hospitality..".. I was already getting the jeepers being there among the eerie surroundings..

We walked across to another steel paneled door.. and peeped in..It was a small room 10 X12ft floor to ceiling steel walled..with two steel pillars in the middle...lit by two lights.. Rupesh was brough it.. stripped nude..and tied to the pillars one hand on each pillar..he was a bit shaken but didnt show it..and screamed.." you dont know who u are dealing with !! I will have you suspended for this!!"... the cops just grinned at him..and left the room... Now watch the fun the chief whispered to me as we were peeping through a small opening following the proceedings...

Suddenly, water started pouring in through through two outlets on the wall..and filling up the floor quickly..Rupesh screamed again.." fuck you!! you trying to drown me?! I wont admit to anything!! you bastards!!" I will fix you all !!".. the water rose and rose upto his chest level..and stopped..all were quite for a while.. " what?!! hey !! where are you??what are you trying to do ?!! ha !! ha!! ha!!..fuck you all !! ha ha !!.. Rupesh kept on yelling..

Suddenly there was a tap on my shoulder....I turned around to see a hefty dark man holding on to a round Box covered in cloth..he whispered something to the chief..who growled.."ok..do it.." The burly guy asked me to move aside..opened a small trap opening on the door..then he removed the cloth and opened the round box..and abruptly, two huge black snakes hissed out...I jumped back in fright...and yelled.."shhh!! dont make noise "said the burly..and gingerly pulled out the snakes and dropped them through the trap door into the water..

The snakes started slithering furiously towards the centre where Rupesh was tied..and he started screaming..in no time they had slithered on to his chest and around his face and neck.. he was hysterical..and screaming.... "OOh Maai bachaao bachao..yes yes.. I am guilty Iam guilty.. please help me!! take me out..pleease take me out..".. The chief and his assistants were doubled up in laughter...."motherfucker muindi.." he thought he is a big son of a gun "... I was too numbed to experience the moment..

The chief looked at me.. sensing my discomfort said " dont worry bwana..it is the Mamba snake and we have removed the fangs !!"...." you will have his confession tomorrow in writing..and the stolen goods we will take out of his ass..."

I nodded my head in disbelief...and mumbled..can we go from here please..?" " Sure Bwana.. welcome to Kenya !! he he he!!"

The Paranoid Judge !!

" Where the fuck are you man !! are you coming to Fred's for the game to night? " .. That was Arif excited as usual..I could sense his toothy grin as he spoke to me..

Arif Chaiwala was a vagrant soul, a delightful 4 am pal who was always ready to step out.. enclosures of any kind stifled him.. except when he was humping all those philipino babes at home. Then you have to bomb his house to get him out...The man was obsessed about chinky women with bushy pubic hair.. he loved burying his face in them..as he maneuvered the girls into twisty naked contours...

The world cup was on... and Diego Maradonna was on his final swan song...there is no better place to watch a live soccer game than on a huge TV screen at a pub in Dubai..Among the soccer crazy Irish,English with the mingling of arabs and Iranis in their pleated trousers,tight T's and gelled hair.. blowing YSL and Cartier cigarettes...smoke twirling above their heads.. everyone nonetheless was steadfast on their passion for the game..and the occasional pawing of the pretty philipino barmaids..

Fred's Pub was the favorite haunt for them and Arif.. 5 drinks, over 3 hrs, 4 days a week ending with a chinky babe in bed was his ritual..and it didnt matter if she was a Beth,Maria or Heather.. That day however both of us wanted to get the best table to catch the England, Argentina game.. ..Arif, already 2 drinks down, was the Lord on the highway cursing and middle fingering other drivers on the road who passed by..The 15 km drive from deira to Al Riqa road was done 5 mins..

Two hours and 5 more drinks later we were on pins !!..Argentina had won the thriller of a game.. Arif was already itching to ride the Philipina waiting at his building entrance ..and it was already 2am..!!.. He drove back home like a mad man.. swerving , overtaking other vehicles ....

On the way, into a narrower long stretch of a road we ran into an old Toyota Cressida driven by a serious old spring haired man accompanied by a woman.. who wouldnt budge from the lane nor speed ahead... We honked, blinked our lights..but the old hooter stuck on.. further up however we managed to out smart him..overtook him driving over the pavement..cursing him with middle finger gestures and some choice arab expletives.. Arif quickly dropped me home and sped off for his rendezvous..

12 noon the next day I got a call.. it was Arif.. I asked ' hey whats up?..still on the chinky?.." Arre no man !.. am at the police station !! " his voice was almost squeaking out.. "What happened?" I could only think that the cops must've busted him red handed with the girl..

' You know the Old man we abused yesterday on the road at night?" Arif whispered.. " That banchod is a fuckin judge in Dubai civilian court, man !!... he traced my car and got me hauled up here at the police HQ !! am fucked !!.. can u come and explain to these guys please?! get me out of this place ?!!"

I got my Co PRO with me and rushed to the HQ... Arif, all sweaty was almost shitting bricks.. trying to explain the whole scenario..The cop told that the judge has been under threat of life from goons he had sentenced and complained about our suspicious behavior.."and he is very angry.. may put you in jail.." we were taken to the judge... same grumpy face.. scowl very much apparent..and speaking nothing except Arabic.. " Soo hada Maskara?!" wain intha?"... My PRO tried to explain but was shooed away.. Arif was almost on his knees..Sir, Sir, ya mudeer.. sorry.. ana..me was traveling home..in a hurry sir..mudeer sir..' it went on for two hours..

Finally the old man relented and we were 5000 dirhams poorer.. fined for indecent behavior.. We learnt a lesson well that day..to think,look ten times before saying anything to anyone..the judge as a person looked no better than a postman.. but he was a judge..king on his day..we came home with tails well between our legs..

And never took that road again...

Arif is still in Dubai..still humps an occasional chinky babe..but he has mellowed..

New year 2012

It is another 2 hrs away to the new year...2012..As usual there is a buzz all around..in the neighborhood, people are all decked up..hurriedly leaving for various parties... ending mostly overnight.. TV's and radios blaring out about new year events..in mumbai and elsewhere..

Its infectious..do it u must..miss it u rue..as all your friends,family even those who dont know u will keep talking about how they enjoyed their new year party...rubbing it in..honestly it is nice excuse to blast away..the countdown always gives one the goosies !!

After many years, this time I decided to give it a miss..my mind was made up on being more spiritual..after a bad year I didnt want to celebrate..something kept on telling me that i should retrospect..meditate..and pray..sounds ridiculous... as if God will be benevolent on all that you ask for... still..

I kept speaking about my intentions to a few friends.. who laughed at me.. new years night u will sit and pray?.. chootiya hai kya? poora saal pada hai.. My woman thought am being dramatic !!

My mind is however made up..lets see how it will be..

Somehow, I dont find new year parties that exciting..people do the same thing..eat drink..get stoned and paw every woman they could lay their hands on..the next day they forget who all they met..and what they spoke about..

2011 was one of the most wicked years of my life..my life,career and respect torn to shreds... money lost business lost,sickness.. bad luck..everything that has to happen happened to me... and I want to get back to all the good times with a vengeance..be back on the lifestyle I have led.. even better..

I feel sad my loved one doesnt share my view..or encourage, sympathise..may be..not go on to attend a party without me.. New year fever is such..only the strong minded can resist..

Am going to pray !! Happy new year !!

Moods !

The other day, Atmaram Dhavale, Sarpanch of Lonavala walked into our work site in Lonavala fully drunk and slapped around our garden laborers without provocation. More pathetic was his beating up the gardener’s weak deaf n mute 17 year old son…

Atmaram is one of those typical regional party politicians who came into political limelight straight out of his village. Boorish and dimwitted oblivious to the ways of how a leader should behave he created this scene for a paltry amount my client owed him for hiring his crane for a day’s job.. He abused me in the filthiest with all sort of names..and tottered off..

Next day, our man calls again, sober and profusely apologetic then drives down to the site with his entourage in a pajero, dripping repentance, touching the feet of all the laborers he had beaten up the day before..

A politician on show or antics of a daft man who cannot decipher his emotions??? It is worth pondering..

Emotions can be catastrophic if not handled well. It makes or ruin our life..depending on how one manages it..why do people like Atmaram behave the way they behave? Because he cannot handle the notoriety and the sycophant delight it brings. Money and power adds to the chaos…many like him have their own reasons which they are too weak to control..

My dad had a fiery temper…and we were at the receiving end of it all our growing years…living in morbid fear thinking when he would come charging at us for any silly lark…few weeks before he died in one of his rare moods…he confessed.. that he took it on us to release the frustration of his growing up as an abused child. Never for once he thought how his behavior would scar the mind of his children..no one told him that one should control emotions than be controlled by them…

Many of my friends..most of them married well and in good career standing well make a mess of their life with their mood swings..and end up shedding copious tears alone even drink themselves silly in regret..or act rashly by being promiscuous with someone they hate..just to spite their loved ones because their ego was not pampered… or they could not control their anger, fear of failure, rejection, insult, loss of face..list is endless..

Why..I ask?.. a little effort to understand the basics would help..instead of trying to change others, understand one’s own weakness and correct them..hone them..develop them..if one were to understand emotions and use them well..nothing is impossible to achieve in this world..

HOMELY FOOD AT LONAVALA

A leisurely drive to pune is never complete without lunch at Homely Food… that superlative eating place at Joshi Sanatorium Behind Maharaja & Hari International Hotel in Lonavala…

Spread over an expansive 4000 sqft area in rustic surroundings, seating’s which are mostly kota slab benches and tables, a few wooden tables and chairs..laid under trees and canopy’s.. Without any aesthetic symmetry.. or color confluence.. Mrs.Shaila Phase, lovingly known as Phasebai and her staff, mostly women runs the place assiduously from 9am to 9pm everyday.. from deciding on the menu for the day to selecting fish varieties to personally blending her home made masalas into the large Handis..Mrs. Phase oversees everything…and the food is paisa vasool… Gomantak cuisine.. Pomfret,Surmai fish fry in special exotic masala.. the perfectly spicy chicken Curry and the yummy yellow Dal which will make you wonder on the condiments that must have gone into it.. the various veggy dishes, Hot phulkas, steamy rice and the gorkairi pickle..sumptuous, wholesome serving.. this is genuine Homely food one would happily gorge on..

Apart from tourists and travelers, the place has a lot of regular visitors..mainly those from Mumbai and pune and even beyond who end up there just eat the food..Story goes that most of the women who work in the kitchen are destitute single mothers and those living away from violent married life… Phasebai has taught them to work in the kitchen, given them livelihood..

And..the local authorities, yes, the same itchy palmed municipal mamus come visiting once in a while to arm twist Phasebai out of a bribe or two.. she shoos them away..and puts up with their pulling down the restaurant’s canopy’s ,throwing around tables and chairs and other tactics...

Eating at Homely food hence serves many a purpose..enjoying a fulsome, tasty meal..Contributing towards the lively hood of all those women… and supporting Mrs Sheila Phase’s single minded dedication in running the eatery…

Try the place.. next time you visit Lonavala..

Indian Cinema

Recently I saw this Malayalam Movie ‘ Ore Kadal’…. an exceptional film which portrays quite flawlessly, extra marital relationship between an older worldly wise writer and a young naive woman. It kept me pondering for the rest of the day...The film has some brilliant performances from Mamutty, Meera Jasmin and an ensemble of superbly cast actors making it great viewable cinema.

In a scene, where Meera jasmin persuades a reluctant Mammuty, playing the famous writer with a cavalier lifestyle to concede to her passionate overtures, the fleeting change of emotions on his face from defensive angst to submission is magical.Only few can get immersed into a character’s psyche the way Mamutty does…

Dilip Kumar could lift ordinary scenes to fascinating levels…His one scene in Ganga Jamuna as a defiant and exhausted protagonist on the run and cornered like a wounded animal by armed villagers, is pure electric… So is Om puri facing up to a menacing Abhishek Bachchan in Yuva…. Weeping nervously from one moment to anxious snigger in the next… dialogues caressing out in that superbly modulated voice…

Shabana Azmi has always been sensational in every role she does.... Konkona sen sharma, Irfan Khan, Kay Kay Menon and Abhay Deol have come out with wonderful performances…Aamir Khan and Anil Kapoor has taken method acting to amazing levels… Shahrukh Khan getting better with each movie..class,charm and star aura.. and loads of talent...

Mohan Lal is another actor who stands way above many of his contemporaries… his portrayals 0f both serious and humorous roles are etched in cinematic history. Be it the young tourist guide in Kilukkam to the Senior Police Officer in Company his dominance as an artiste par excellence was complete…he stands way above many other actors…

Amitabh Bachchan managed to bring in effective performances with explosive box office successes but many a times compromised on quality work by playing up to the gallery…and succeeded.. Kamal Hassan is a pale shadow of what he was, mired in megalomaniacal desires more than true content… its too late for him to correct himself… age and time is not with him anymore…

Naseeruddin Shah never got his due for his exemplary performances.. From Nishant to Monsoon wedding to A Wednesday his portrayals grabs your eyeballs…

Indian cinema is blessed with such great luminaries who gave us many a landmark performances… Balraj Sahni, Moti Lal , Dilip Kumar, Nutan, Utpal Dutt, Sreeram Lagoo, Waheeda Rehman, Nilu Phule, Sathyan, Shivaji Ganeshan, Nagesh, M.R.Radha , Raj Kapoor, Shammi Kapoor, Amjad Khan, Amol Palekar, Amrish Puri, Mohan Agashe, Nana patekar , Anupam Kher, Boman Irani, Gopi, Sreenivasan, Thilakan , Nedumudi Venu, Jagathi sreekumar Akshay Khanna, Irfan Khan…each one distinct in their style and aura.. but masters none the less...

the list is endless and growing…

Mr.Bachchan

I was a great admirer and fan of Amitabh bachchan…grew up watching his movies...His brooding looks, baritone voice, the walk and the power house performances… for years I followed his hair style..the centre parted puffed up mane… falling over the ears, long thick side burns and the famed printed shirts with flared collars…the drooped left shoulder, three shirt buttons opened in front chest hair popping out.... his star aura was colossal…

From High school to college to career life in Mumbai dubai,Oman and Kenya the Man had complete sway over my movie preferences and mannerisms…

Then he came to Nairobi for one of his famous shows…Cant forget the day… I was the lone guy from Mumbai among the 27 multi cultural staff…who were from Iran, middle eastern countries, pakistan even from Philipines and Europe…and everyone knew about him…..The Indians who were settled in Kenya were mad about him…and the Africans too..

He arrived with an entourage wearing a long trench coat over a polo neck sweater..large goggles on.. every inch a super star he was…and behaving like one..he acknowledged everyone from top airport officials to the sweepers who greeted him in the jomo kenyatta airport apron..and all the staff from our duty free shops, officials and other passengers…who left their work to gawk in awe…

we went tripping over each other to click pictures with him…for the next one hour he sat still with goggles on...on one of the expansive sofas in our first class lounge, obliging everyone, with an amused yet frozen expression at all the melee happening around … unmindful to our excited banter…

In all the chaos I told my colleague “ Arre, take my pic also with him...don’t know when I will get to see India”… he heard that and suddenly came alive, called out and made me sit next to him, his arm around my shoulders..” kya bolta hai..India ko bhoologe kya??!” lectured me for the next 5 mins on being patriotic and loving India.. The man sure had class…

That was then..

now when I see him..I shake my head in disbelief..his choice of roles, pathetic ads and guarded comments on everything he speaks.. for a person who has achieved so much in life..seen respect and adulation…and maintained the aura…I guess he must introspect.. let his hair down on views of the world… be more grounded and real…

it will make him more of an Icon… peerless and exalted among his equals..I don’t like the brat pack of today…they don’t have the class he has.. the dignity and aura...

Hope he comes out some more magic performances... do selective roles, guess it will never be the same…he may never remain the colossus…

Sad….